Tricked

Chapter 1

The best trick I ever pulled off was watching myself die. I did a respectable job of it too ­the dying, I mean, not the watching.

The key to dying well is to make a final verbal ejaculation that is full of rage and pain but not tainted in the least by squeals of terror or pleas for mercy. This was my father s wisdom ­about the only shred of it that has managed to lodge firmly in my mind all these years. He died while trying to steal somebody else s cows.

It would be an ignominious end today, but before the common era in Ireland, it was honorable and manly to die in a cattle raid, as such theft was called. Before he left to meet his doom, my father must have had some dark premonition about it, because he shared with me all his opinions about dying properly, and I will never forget his final words: A man s supposed to shit himself after he dies, son, not before. Try to remember that, lad, so that when your time comes, you won t make a right girly mess of it. Now f*** off and go play in the bog.

Like many silly codes of bravery and manliness, the meat of my father s instruction on how to die well can be distilled to a simple slogan: Die angry at maximum volume. (Dying silently is out of the question; the world s last Druid should not go gentle into that good night.)

During infrequent spates of morbidity, I used to speculate on my eventual manner of death. I figured it would happen on a city street somewhere, cut off from the power of the earth, unable to summon a magical mulligan that would let me see the sunrise. But at the same time, I hoped it would be in a cool city with a bitchin name, like Kathmandu or Bangkok or maybe Climax, Michigan. I never thought it would be in a dried-­up place called Tuba City.

Situated in the southwestern portion of the Navajo Nation in Arizona, Tuba City rests on a red sandstone mesa with no visible means of economic support. The first question I asked when I saw it ­besides Where are all the tubas?

Kevin Hearne

Praise for The Iron Druid Chronicles

[Kevin] Hearne is a terrific storyteller with a great snarky wit. . . . Neil Gaiman s American Gods meets Jim Butcher s Harry Dresden. SFFWorld

[The Iron Druid books] are clever, fast-paced and a good escape. Boing Boing

Hearne understands the two main necessities of good fantasy stories: for all the wisecracks and action, he never loses sight of delivering a sense of wonder to his readers, and he understands that magic use always comes with a price. Highly recommended. The Magazine of Fantasy & Science Fiction

Superb . . . plenty of quips and zap-pow-bang fighting. Publishers Weekly (starred review)

Celtic mythology and an ancient Druid with modern attitude mix it up in the Arizona desert in this witty new fantasy series. Kelly Meding, author of Chimera

[Atticus is] a strong modern hero with a long history and the wit to survive in the twenty-first century. . . . A snappy narrative voice . . . a savvy urban fantasy adventure. Library Journal

A page-turning and often laugh-out-loud funny caper through a mix of the modern and the mythic. Ari Marmell, author of The Warlord s Legacy

Outrageously fun. The Plain Dealer

Kevin Hearne breathes new life into old myths, creating a world both eerily familiar and startlingly original. Nicole Peeler, author of Tempest Rising